Title: Break Down: Bleed Black
Paring: There is no paring really although Atsushi and Hisashi are a couple
Rating: PG-13 -R
Summary: (Yutaka P/V via journal entries in the begining. Atsushi & Toll P/V in later chapters)
To love and lost...to love and never be loved in return. To do everything for that one person and to be overlooked. What more must one do to get the attention that they deserve? I asked myself that question many times and still haven't found the answer. Can this truly drive someone to insanity?A/N:Almost there everyone...I wanted to explain the italics. The red is Yutaka's common sense...the other his sub-conscience. It helps explain a little of the last chapter. Enjoy!I thought I would be fine. I got away from him. I was purging myself of him. But it’s only worse now. His voice, his smile, it haunts my dreams as it haunts me awake. I know I’m losing it. I have to be. A part of me wants nothing more than to end this. All of this. Then there’s a part of me that only wants him and will stop at nothing until he’s mine. I’ve had talks with this side. Sometimes, more than others, I find what he says plausible and alluring. It’s safe to say that I feel giving in will maybe give me what I want. Him without question. Without opposition. Mine alone. Perhaps I should write that song I was thinking about.
It wasn’t going to work. Toll knew it. Especially after the phone call from Imai. It would take a day before he had Hide breathing down his neck. But maybe it wouldn’t come to that. Toll had decided that he would confront his brother alone. They would talk tonight and everything would be fine. Besides, who better to talk about these things than an older sibling? It wouldn’t be hard to get the younger male to come to he sense. He had to know that this was childish. Yutaka had done this one other time. It took Toll and their sister to talk him out of the room. Granted, they never let him get as far as he was now.
Sighing, the drummer ran a hand through his hair. He would fix this and the band could get back to recording. For now, he’d practice. Tonight was going to be a long one.
Yutaka walked down a familiar street, in a trance. He had been writing all morning and needed a break before he pulled his hair out. How he got on this particular street was a mystery to him. But hew as out of his apartment for the first time in the last month. A month that felt like days to him.
From outward appearance, he looked fine. There was little sign that he was fighting with himself. He was pale, but healthy. His hair was somewhat frayed from flat ironing. He wore his Rage Against The Machine tee shirt under a black denim jacket. His pants matching his jacket. Nothing was out of place. Except for the sunglasses that hid the dark circles under his eyes. Since we’re out here Yutaka. Why don’t we pay Acchan a visit?
Yutaka nodded to himself and turned up a vacant street that led to the vocalist’s home. Besides, he wanted to tell him about the new song he was attempting to work on. He laughed at himself. Everyone knew what he went through the first time he was ‘talked’ into writing the words to a song. It just about killed him. However, it just felt like a good time to try again.
Lost in thought, Yutaka didn’t realize that he had made it to Atsushi’s doorstep. Something told him that he shouldn’t be there. That it was insanity to force something that wasn’t meant to be. As his sub-conscience argued with his common sense, the bassist pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head and scanned the area. Everything seemed off. There were two cars and a moving truck in the driveway.
“When did Atsushi decide to move?” Uta asked himself. He was immediately startled out of his thoughts by a loud thud. Yutaka…don’t….
It was one thought that came too late. Before he could stop himself, Uta was already through the door. He stopped just short of the hall and stared blankly at the display before him. Atsushi was pinned between the wall and the blonde guitarist. His pants at his mid thigh, where Imai’s hand rested. Their shirts hastily hung off their bodies, lingering in the intense passion filled aura that once engulfed them both. They stared in shock as the bassist came out of his astonished trance and covered his face with his dark hair.
Atsushi pushed Hisashi away, who was now extremely annoyed with the intrusion, and redressed before approaching the younger male. An immense pang of guilt washed over him as hie thought about the conversation that was had that morning. The bassist wasn’t over it. And he obviously had just made things one hundred times worse.
“N-no, don’t worry about it. I’m sorry. It was a mistake to come here. I-I just wanted to see how you were doing. A-and…” Yutaka’s voice caught in his throat. Shaking his head, he looked up at the vocalist. Atsushi blinked. The eyes he saw weren’t his friend’s. They were different. Glazed over with a hidden rage. A hidden resentment for the two in the room with him. Atsushi went to touch him but Yutaka stepped back as if he were the plague.
“I’m sorry I interrupted. Forgive me. I should be going.” Uta said flatly. He bowed and got a slight nod from Hisashi, who had perched himself against the wall. He smiled mockingly at him and turned to leave. Ignoring the worried look from Atsushi as he walked through the door.